It’s award season, everyone!
When I was a kid, I really wanted to be a movie star. As a result, I always loved all the behind the scenes stuff. I would watch all the special features over and over again on my favorite DVDs, I loved Inside the Actor’s Studio, E! True Hollywood Stories, and I freaking lived for award season. I would practice my future interviews and acceptance speeches, dreaming of the fabulous dresses I would wear and dates I would bring (Rupert Grint at the time).
Now that I’m a bit older and a bit more self-aware, I am very content with my choice to hide behind the keyboard. When you’re fantasizing about being on Conan, you tend to forget the “fucking nerve-wracking” factor.
I still love award shows as I really respect great writing and great acting. Unfortunately, I didn’t make it to the movies much this year, so I’m not terribly familiar with the nominees, but I am happy for them. Since this dwindles my award show fix, I thought why not create my own? Why not create an award series for all of my favorite awkward characters of all time, and thus show my admiration for the actors and writers who create them?
- Most Awkward TV Character
J.D.—Scrubs, portrayed by Zach Braff
J.D. is the master of awkward. He talks to himself, trails off into odd fantasies in the middle of conversations, and has no idea when it’s okay to hug people. J.D. is my spirit animal.
Cliff Clavin—Cheers, portrayed by John Ratzenberger
Cliff really just wanted to be loved, which is why he wanted to go where everybody knew his name. But he was terrible with social cues, which is why we love him here on J. Awkward Prufrock.
- Most Awkward Movie Character
Amelie—Amelie, portrayed by Audrey Tatou
Amelie has a hard time connecting with others due to her isolated childhood. She is shy and socially anxious but still possesses a deep desire to help people…as long a she can keep them at arm’s length. We get it, Amelie. We understand.
Todd—Dead Poet’s Society, portrayed by Ethan Hawke
Todd was so terrified of writing poetry and then reading it in front of his class, his teacher had to close his eyes and spin him around. And it turns out Todd was deep as fuck. We love you, Todd.
- Most Awkward Book Character
Ignatius C. Reilly—A Confederacy of Dunces
Ignatius C. Reilly is a slothful, agoraphobic man who hates everything about society. He frequently bores his few friends by telling them the same story over and over again, and he is of the firm position that he does not belong in this world. Me, too, Ignatius. Me, too.
Neville Longbottom—Harry Potter series
Neville was a strong contender but he was such a stud by the end of the series, how could I really justify it? His adorable timidity and discomfort will forever hold a place in our hearts.
- Most Awkward TV Couple
Nick and Jess—New Girl, portrayed by Jake Johnson and Zooey Deschanel
He’s a witty but insecure underachiever known to raise his voice for no reason at all, she is a socially naïve nerd. Can they get back together, please?
George Constanza and everyone—Seinfeld, portrayed by Jason Alexander and pretty ladies
George loves George enough for George. He didn’t need any of them, anyway.
- Most Awkward Movie Couple
Harold and Maude—Harold and Maude, portrayed by Bud Cort and Ruth Gordon
He’s a rich introvert obsessed with death and she’s a crazy old broad who apparently loves Cat Stevens. The 50+-year age difference didn’t stop them from being adorable.
Lars and the Real Girl—Lars and the Real Girl, portrayed by Ryan Gosling and his sex doll
Can’t blame a guy for falling for a fictional character. We’ve all been there.
Napoleon Dynamite and Deb—Napoleon Dynamite, portrayed by John Heder and Tina Majorino
“Your mom goes to college.”
- Most Awkward Book Couple
Ron and Hermoine—The Harry Potter series
It only took them A BAZILLION YEARS to kiss.
Bridget Jones and Mark Darcy—Bridget Jones’s Diary
He stammers his way through blunt sentences, she has no idea how to behave at parties. Love is beautiful.
- Most Awkward TV Ensemble
I guess paper is a really good awkward profession. Special shout-out to Dwight, who provided me with my favorite thought to think as I walk through the crowded streets of NYC: “We need a new plague!”
Do you ever think those four people didn’t go outside for the first 25 years of their lives?
- Most Awkward Movie Ensemble
Mary and Max
If you have never seen this movie, please make it a top priority. It is beautiful. A lonely little girl in Australia becomes pen pals with a middle-aged New Yorker with Asperger’s. And it’s based on a true story!
I would have totally gone for Evan in high school. We mclove you guys.
- Most Awkward Book Ensemble
Me and Earl and the Dying Girl
He makes a point to not stand out. His mother makes him befriend a girl simply because she has cancer. And Earl is the hilarious vehicle for common sense and friendly black advice. Sounds like a flawless recipe for awkward.
The Perks of Being a Wallflower
Embrace your mistfitdom is one of many messages in the book that defined millennial teenage years.
There were so many others I wanted to mention but that’s the great thing about award season. It’s a season. It comes and goes each year like snowflakes and thus every awkward-teer will have their day.