Hello there, internet!
My name is Jillian Ports, and I am awkward.
I firmly believe that awkwardness is the spawn of being overly self-conscious. I find myself becoming burdened with crippling anxiety when I am forced to have a social encounter. If I know of an impending party or gathering, I will spend days, sometimes weeks, rehearsing potential conversations and quips, convincing myself this time I will be oh-so-witty, and then will curl myself up under my bed covers and cry the night before said event because I remember I will probably have to meet new people and they will probably not say the lines I have given them in my head. And I will have no choice but to try to be effervescent and charming on the spot. And that is some terrifying shiitake.
And let me tell you something about being awkward: if you know you are awkward, there is no turning back. You will be awkward. Someone who knows how to have a conversation will come up to you and make small talk. You will avoid eye contact and provide interesting commentary such as, “…yeah” or “Cool.” People will raise their eyebrows at you and excuse themselves because they, too, have now become uncomfortable, but they they have been blessed with knowing how to avoid the discomfort.
This aspect of my persona has been particularly trying on my dating life. I am awkward and I have dated some awkward people and our harbored world of combined awkwardness has created some doozies of tales. So here I am, to tell you these tales. I am not here to dish out dating advice. I have none, as you will soon learn if you continue to read this site. Merely, I would like to put on a smile on your face or perhaps, if you are a fellow awkward-teer, make you feel a little less alone (you are actually a part of a large and occasionally interesting community!). If there is one thing I have learned as a result of all this, it is to embrace my weirdness and make humor out of life’s weird happenings.
So, here we are. This is the Love Song of J. Awkward Prufrock: Romantic Ramblings for the Socially Confused. Godspeed.